Lin Hai walked out the door and suddenly remembered that he had come in Ye Ziming’s car.
“Damn, I’ll have to walk back.”
He strolled along, pulling out his phone and opening the Heavenly Court Trading Group chat. Lately, it seemed like there was always something to do, and he hadn’t checked in on these hilarious immortal goofballs for quite a while.
The moment he opened it—whoa, thousands of unread messages!
Just as he was about to scroll back, someone spoke up.
Yue Lao (Moon God): Anyone here?
Yue Lao: If you’re here, say something.
He waited a long time, but no one replied.
Yue Lao: The God of Wealth is sending out red envelopes!
Barefoot Immortal: Where? Where’s the red envelope?
Night Wandering God: Did he send it? I don’t see anything.
Thunder God: Where’s the red envelope? Where?
Chang’e: Oh, Brother Wealth, I’d really love a red envelope~
And just like that, all the goofballs came crawling out of the woodwork.
Yue Lao: Oh, so you were all lurking! When I asked who was here, none of you said a word. That’s pretty lousy of you.
The chat went silent again.
Yue Lao: Hey, can I ask you all something?
No response. He waited forever.
Yue Lao: Hello? Anyone?
Five minutes passed.
Yue Lao: You guys are awful! (followed by an angry emoji)
Still no one paid him any attention.
Yue Lao: Arghhhhh! You’re driving this old man crazy! You want red envelopes, do you? Fine!
Ding dong!
A big red envelope popped up on the screen.
“Holy crap, a red envelope!” Lin Hai didn’t even have time to tap it.
Swish!
The sound of coins dropping into a bag. The red envelope snatcher plugin had grabbed it instantly.
Before Lin Hai could even see what was snagged, the group chat exploded.
Thunder God: @Yue Lao, damn, only one red envelope? That’s just plain mean—even stingier than the God of Wealth!
Erlang Shen: @Yue Lao, exactly! Send more, or don’t blame me for looking down on you and putting you on the same level as the God of Wealth.
Chang’e: @Yue Lao, that’s so annoying—just as cheap as the God of Wealth.
Mo Liqing: @Yue Lao, speechless. You’re the God of Wealth number two.
Zhu Bajie: @Yue Lao, I’ve lost respect for you. You’re as stingy as the God of Wealth!
Nezha: @Yue Lao, as stingy as the God of Wealth +1
Red Boy: @Yue Lao, as stingy as the God of Wealth +2
Dragon King of the East Sea: @Yue Lao, as stingy as the God of Wealth +3
Giant Spirit God: @Yue Lao, as stingy as the God of Wealth +4
…
Lin Hai watched the formation line up again and couldn’t help but laugh.
Seriously, why did these guys always drag the God of Wealth into everything? The poor guy was catching stray bullets left and right!
He wondered if that unlucky deity was even watching the chat right now. If he was, he’d probably be spitting blood in anger again.
God of Wealth: What does his red envelope have to do with me?! Shut up, all of you, just shut up! (followed by a long line of frantic emojis)
Pfft!
Lin Hai found it hilarious.
Damn, this guy actually was lurking! But hey, at least he didn’t spit blood this time—progress, I guess.
Yue Lao: @everyone, can you all be a little more civil? No name-calling! Saying I’m “as stingy as the God of Wealth” is the ugliest insult I’ve ever heard in my life!
Group notification: The God of Wealth, overcome by rage and depression, has vomited blood and suffered an injury, losing ten years of cultivation.
Pfft!
“HAHAHAHA…” Lin Hai burst out laughing.
Oh man, that poor, unlucky God of Wealth just couldn’t dodge this bullet, could he? Yue Lao’s words were lethally savage.
God of Wealth: @Yue Lao, I’ll curse your whole family! (followed by a huge line of furious emojis)
Sun Wukong: @Erlang Shen, my boy, you’re as stingy as the God of Wealth.
Erlang Shen: @Sun Wukong, you damn monkey, that’s vicious! You just hit me with the ugliest insult! I challenge you to a duel!
Zhu Bajie: @Chang’e, sis, how about giving me that little undergarment you changed out of yesterday? Otherwise, I’ll have to say you’re as stingy as the God of Wealth~ (followed by a winking smirk emoji)
Chang’e: @Zhu Bajie, you’re forcing my hand! You’re so cruel!!! (followed by a teary-eyed emoji)
Red Boy: @Nezha, lend me volume two of One Piece for a couple of days. If you don’t, I’ll say you’re as stingy as the God of Wealth.
Nezha: @Red Boy, no, no, no—that’s way too harsh! I’ll give it to you after class.
…
Pfft!
Lin Hai looked and couldn’t believe it—this “as stingy as the God of Wealth” line had instantly become internet slang.
Group notification: The God of Wealth, overcome by rage and depression, has vomited blood and suffered an injury, losing ten years of cultivation.
“Damn, another mouthful.” Lin Hai was laughing so hard it hurt.
God of Wealth: @everyone, no more saying “as stingy as the God of Wealth”! Anyone who says it again will have to answer to me!!! (followed by a huge string of furious, ground-pounding emojis)
Yue Lao: @God of Wealth, come on, is it really that serious? I haven’t even said anything yet. What a cheapskate.
Chang’e: Exactly, why get so worked up? @God of Wealth, cheapskate +1
Zhu Bajie: Sister Chang’e is right. @God of Wealth, cheapskate +2
Thunder God: It’s not like we just found out yesterday that the God of Wealth is stingy. @God of Wealth, cheapskate +3
South Pole Immortal: I always feel like the God of Wealth is even stingier now than before. @God of Wealth, cheapskate +4
…
“This is bad, this is really bad. The formation’s lining up again. The God of Wealth might just spit blood one more time.” Lin Hai started to worry for him.
Group notification: The God of Wealth, overcome by rage and depression, has vomited blood and suffered an injury, losing ten years of cultivation.
Pfft!
Man, what did I say? There he goes again.
Lin Hai was laughing so hard his stomach hurt.
“Ouch.” Distracted by his phone, Lin Hai accidentally bumped into someone.
“Sorry, I’m so sor—” He started to apologize but stopped mid-sentence.
“It’s you?” Lin Hai frowned.
“Lin Hai?” Wang Ting was startled, then her eyes suddenly grew desperate.
“Lin Hai, let’s make up.” She grabbed his arm tightly.
A pang of pain shot through Lin Hai’s heart—an old wound reopened.
“Sorry, I already have a girlfriend.” He shook his head, trying to push her hand away.
“Lin Hai, I was wrong. I know I was wrong. Please forgive me. Give me one more chance. I know you still love me—I know I’m still in your heart. I’m begging you, let’s get back together.” Wang Ting clung to him desperately, shouting like she was losing her mind.
The commotion quickly drew a crowd of onlookers.
“It’s impossible. Let go of me.” Lin Hai said coldly.
“I won’t! I won’t let go! If you don’t agree to make up, I’ll hold you like this forever.” Tears suddenly streamed down Wang Ting’s face, and she held on even tighter.
“Hey, young man, this girl is so devoted to you. Just give in a little, alright?”
“Yeah, couples fight all the time. It’s nothing that can’t be fixed.”
“Right, man, forgive your girlfriend. Can’t you see she’s crying?”
The crowd had no idea what was really going on. Seeing Wang Ting looking so pitiful, they all started urging Lin Hai to forgive her.
“A good man won’t let the woman he loves get hurt, not even a little…” One guy went as far as to start singing dramatically.
Lin Hai rolled his eyes. Damn, none of you even know what’s happening, so why are you all butting in?
“I’m sorry, but we’re done. Please stop bothering me.” With a firm resolve, Lin Hai shoved Wang Ting away and strode off.
“Lin Hai…” Wang Ting broke down completely, tears streaming like rain.
Watching his receding back, Wang Ting stood frozen, overwhelmed by a wave of regret so intense she wanted to slap herself.
“I can make him come back to you.” Suddenly, a voice spoke up from behind her.
