Zhao Yunkong’s voice was very soft and very slow, with a hint of reminiscence in his eyes. He seemed completely immersed in some kind of wonderful memory.
Qin Lang held his breath, afraid of interrupting Zhao Yunkong’s state.
“Back then, I was traveling and sketching. In that quiet, remote mountain village, I fell in love with Xiao Yun’s eyes the moment I saw them—clear like a lake, lively like a stream!”
“I wanted her to be a model for my canvas, but she refused me. Maybe in her eyes, I was just a frivolous womanizer, right?”
“But I didn’t give up. I knew if I missed those eyes, I might never find the same pair in my entire life. So I found a place to stay in that quiet mountain village.”
“Slowly, through getting to know her, I learned that the girl didn’t have a name. Her mother left after giving birth to her, and she only had a father who was a gambling addict. But despite that situation, she hadn’t picked up any bad habits. Instead, she was kinder than anyone else in the village.”
“She would cook for the lonely elderly, teach the children numbers, go hunting like the boys, and sometimes secretly watch me paint. Gradually, we got to know each other and became familiar. I also taught her how to paint and told her about the outside world.”
“She was very happy. She had never known how wonderful the outside world could be. She would often ask me funny and naive questions, but I answered them all patiently. Slowly, we grew closer and became good friends who could talk about anything.”
“But she never agreed to my request to paint her. I didn’t understand and asked her why. She just smiled mysteriously and said she would tell me the answer another day.”
“Just like that, I lived in the mountain village for over two months. Then one day, suddenly—it was a stormy night, with thunder and lightning flashing across the sky—the door to my room was knocked open. Xiao Yun, completely drenched, came into my room.”
“As soon as she saw me, she hugged me and burst into tears. I panicked and quickly asked her what was wrong. She said… her father owed gambling debts and wanted to sell her to the people from the gambling den. And there was only one outcome for her—to repay the debt with her body.”
“I was furious and shocked. I couldn’t believe such monstrous things happened in this world! But when Xiao Yun begged me to take her away, I hesitated.”
“I knew I didn’t belong to the mountain village, nor did I belong to Xiao Yun, even though I really liked her. So I hesitated. Xiao Yun saw my hesitation. She didn’t say anything, just gave a bright smile and said, ‘Don’t you like my eyes? Don’t you always want to paint my eyes? I’ll grant your wish. Tonight, you can paint my eyes.'”
“Even though Xiao Yun had given me permission, I picked up my paintbrush but didn’t know where to start. Because in Xiao Yun’s eyes, there was no longer that liveliness and purity. All that remained was heartbreak, sorrow, pain, and despair.”
“I couldn’t start painting for a long time. Xiao Yun noticed. She smiled bitterly, then turned and disappeared into the rain. I watched her receding figure. I wanted to call out to her, but my throat felt like it was blocked by something—I couldn’t make a sound.”
“And just like that, Xiao Yun left. When I woke up the next day, I saw the villagers all running toward the outskirts. I didn’t know what had happened, so I grabbed a villager. He told me—Xiao Yun had killed herself.”
“Upon hearing this news, my legs went weak, and my mind went blank. It felt like I’d been struck hard. I knew my hesitation and indecisiveness had caused Xiao Yun’s death.”
“When I got there, I saw Xiao Yun’s body lying on the ground. She was wearing a red wedding dress, her expression peaceful and calm, as if she were just asleep. On the trunk of a nearby tree, she had left a line of words.”
“‘Thank you for showing me what heaven looks like. But unfortunately, I don’t have wings to fly there. Still, I want to thank you—for bringing the last happy moments to my life.'”
“I cried. After returning to my own room, I wailed in despair. I knew I had caused Xiao Yun’s death. If I had just firmly taken her hand back then, she wouldn’t have died. I was the one who killed her.”
“Later, I had to leave, to get away from that heartbreaking place. Just before I left, another woman in the village got married. The groom’s family sent someone to paint the bride’s portrait. That was when I learned about the village’s custom: a woman would only allow you to paint her portrait if she regarded you as her husband.”
“I knew then—a pure and innocent love had been right in front of me, and I hadn’t cherished it. I am a sinner. And the noisy village was filled with joy, yet no one remembered that kind, lovely Xiao Yun anymore.”
……
After listening to Zhao Yunkong’s story, Qin Lang’s heart felt very heavy.
He finally understood why Zhao Yunkong suffered from such severe depression.
Because of him—Zhao Yunkong—a girl who liked him had run into the rain in despair.
Because of his hesitation, he had hurt a girl who truly loved him.
How could he possibly bear such guilt?
When he finished speaking, Zhao Yunkong crouched down in the corner again. Scattered around him were sheets of drawing paper covered in chaotic lines.
Clearly, Zhao Yunkong was trying to paint Xiao Yun’s likeness, but he just couldn’t get it right—as if… he was about to forget her.
Qin Lang sighed. Tormented by a demon like that, no wonder Zhao Yunkong couldn’t move on.
If it weren’t for Qin Lang’s eyes, which resembled the beautiful eyes Zhao Yunkong remembered in Xiao Yun, he would never have told him all this.
“I’m a jerk. I’m nothing but a jerk. What’s the point of me even living?”
Zhao Yunkong muttered to himself.
Qin Lang took a deep breath and said coldly, “You’re right—there really is no point to you living. Because you’ve completely failed Xiao Yun’s expectations. You’re nothing but a coward. You don’t deserve the love Xiao Yun had for you.”
Zhao Yunkong raised his head, his eyes hollow.
“Just keep wallowing like this. You not only ruined Xiao Yun, but you’re also ruining the beautiful idea of love she held in her heart. Would that make you happy, huh?”
“I… I don’t—!”
“Xiao Yun loved you. She loved the passionate, cheerful, sunny you—not this version of you who’s wallowing, giving up, and unable to face reality!” Qin Lang said coldly. “You want to kill yourself? That’s easy. No one can truly stop someone who wants to die.”
“But if you die, and on the other side of the world you meet Xiao Yun again—have you thought about what you’ll say to her? Will you tell her you’re a coward? A pathetic weakling who brought sorrow and pain to the people who cared about him? A man who couldn’t face reality?”
“Do you think Xiao Yun would love that version of you? Do you think you’d deserve the love she once had for you?”
