Lin Hai had to admire Chu Lin’er’s perseverance. She’d been keeping up this awkward position for a full hour now.
“Hey, isn’t your foreplay a little too long? Could you consider your audience here? When are you going to get to the real action?” Ah Hua lay there, yawning as he spoke.
Foreplay, my foot! If Lin Hai could move, he would definitely pounce on that damn dog and kick him twice.
“Hey, you useless dog, don’t just lie there enjoying the show. Hurry up and help me get this woman off me!” Lin Hai yelled at Ah Hua.
Upon hearing that, Ah Hua shook his big head like a rattle drum.
“Daddy, you two go ahead with your S&M thing. Go as crazy as you want, but please don’t drag this dog into it!”
Lin Hai was so frustrated. Dang it, S&M my foot! This damn dog knew way too much!
“Come on, if you help me today, I’ll find you a female dog tomorrow.” Lin Hai tried bribery again.
Sure enough, at the mention of a female dog, Ah Hua’s eyes immediately sparkled with little stars.
“Daddy, are you serious?”
“Serious. Hurry up and get her off me. I’ll find you one first thing tomorrow morning!” Seeing Ah Hua waver, Lin Hai quickly shouted again.
Ah Hua’s little face lit up with excitement, and he stood up from the ground.
“Um, Princess Lin’er…”
“If you dare make a move, I’ll neuter you tonight. Then I’ll find a hundred female dogs every day, and have them wiggle their butts right in front of you. You can try me if you don’t believe it.” Chu Lin’er turned her head and gave Ah Hua a sweet smile.
For some reason, seeing Chu Lin’er’s charming smile, Ah Hua felt a chill deep in his bones and couldn’t help but shiver violently.
“Um, Daddy, I, Ah Hua, am an upright dog. Don’t try to tempt me with lust. It won’t work.” Ah Hua put on a sanctimonious look.
Upright, my foot! Lin Hai was completely speechless with this damn dog.
“Um, Princess Lin’er, don’t you think this position we’re in is a bit indecent? If someone sees us, it’ll be bad for your reputation too. Stop fooling around and get off me, there’s a good girl.” Since Ah Hua was useless, Lin Hai had to try another angle with Chu Lin’er.
“No worries. I don’t care, so why should you be afraid? Besides, other than you, no one can even see me.” Chu Lin’er said with a smile, completely ignoring Lin Hai’s plea.
“Who says no one can see? Isn’t there a damn dog right there? He’s been watching for an hour.” Lin Hai gestured with his chin toward Ah Hua.
“Him? No problem. I’ll just scoop his eyes out later.” Chu Lin’er’s smile grew even sweeter.
Ah Hua had been lying there lazily, but upon hearing this, he shot up like a rocket.
“Um, Princess, I didn’t see anything. Hey, what’s that noise? Sounds like a mouse. I’m going to go catch it.” With that, Ah Hua took off running as fast as his legs could carry him.
“Damn it, you traitor!” Lin Hai cursed at Ah Hua’s retreating rear.
“Now it’s just the two of us.” Chu Lin’er’s eyes were full of springtime, her smile beaming as she stared at Lin Hai.
“Whoa, what are you trying to do? Let me tell you, even if you get my body, you’ll never get my heart.” Lin Hai said in mock terror.
“Pfft! You jerk, don’t flatter yourself.” Chu Lin’er scolded him playfully.
“Hurry up and hand over your phone. I want to see who you were chatting with.”
“Hey, that’s not good. Big brother’s phone is full of girls, and all the chats are X-rated. You won’t be able to sleep if you read them.” Lin Hai said dramatically.
“Save it. I clearly saw you chatting with someone called the Old Man of the South Pole. Tell me, is it the Old Man of the South Pole from the Heavenly Court?” Chu Lin’er raised an eyebrow, her enchanting face almost touching Lin Hai’s nose.
“Oh hey, Princess Lin’er, I’ve noticed your skin isn’t so great. You’ve got blackheads.” Lin Hai suddenly said.
“Ah, go to hell!” Chu Lin’er was so frustrated she could scream. If she could actually hit Lin Hai, she would have beaten his face into a pulp.
“Stop changing the subject. Tell me, were you chatting with the Old Man of the South Pole from the Heavenly Court?”
Damn it, he had been too careless. Lin Hai finally realized why Chu Lin’er was so determined to see his phone.
Being able to communicate with the gods in heaven was his biggest secret. There was no way he could let anyone else know about it.
Moreover, Chu Lin’er was a princess of the underworld. Who knew what consequences might follow if she found out?
He couldn’t admit it. Absolutely couldn’t admit it!
“Princess Lin’er, your imagination is way too wild.” Lin Hai made a funny face.
“What, is it not true?” Chu Lin’er tilted her little head, staring at Lin Hai with a suspicious look.
“Pfft, that ‘Old Man of the South Pole’ is just Qiangzi Guang’s online nickname. You know Qiangzi Guang, right? That idiot who can even start a fight with a dog like Ah Hua. For someone that dumb to pick such a dumb name isn’t that hard to understand, is it?” Lin Hai sold Qiangzi Guang out.
“Really?” Chu Lin’er wasn’t convinced.
“See? Why don’t you believe me? How about I have him come over tomorrow so you can check him out yourself?”
“Fine. Have him come over tomorrow.” Chu Lin’er said seriously.
Pfft!
You’ve got to be kidding. Was that really necessary? He just said that casually, and now she actually wanted him to come over?
Lin Hai suddenly felt that Chu Lin’er was pretty clueless too. It was just a screen name, something you could change anytime. What was the point of having him come over?
Hey, wait a minute!
Lin Hai suddenly remembered that all his friends in the Heavenly Court seemed to use their real names as screen names. Chu Lin’er did too.
Damn it. Were these guys all so simple-minded that whatever their real name was, that’s what their screen name had to be?
“Um, Princess Lin’er, can I ask you a question?”
“What question?” Chu Lin’er blinked her big eyes.
“Do all you folks from the underworld have the same screen name as your real name?”
“Well, isn’t that obvious?” Chu Lin’er gave Lin Hai a strange look, as if he were an idiot.
“Uh…” Lin Hai’s face darkened.
What did ‘isn’t that obvious’ mean? Was he right or not?
“Is it or isn’t it?” Lin Hai asked again.
“WeChat is tied to each person’s real identity. Of course your real name and screen name are the same. Otherwise you can’t even log in. Are you losing your mind?” Chu Lin’er asked with a concerned look.
Lose my mind, my foot! Big brother’s way sharper than you!
Lin Hai finally understood. No wonder Chu Lin’er really wanted Qiangzi Guang to come over. In her understanding, screen names and real names were the same and couldn’t be changed.
Damn, this WeChat of the underworld was really behind the times.
Man, one of these days, big brother would change his screen name to King Chu Jiang. Then when Chu Lin’er saw him, wouldn’t she have to call him daddy?
Thinking of this, Lin Hai looked at Chu Lin’er’s enchanting face and couldn’t help but laugh out loud.
“What are you laughing at?” Chu Lin’er saw the mischievous look on Lin Hai’s face and immediately grew wary.
“Nothing, nothing.” Lin Hai quickly shook his head. “Um, Princess Lin’er, Qiangzi Guang is coming tomorrow to prove his screen name to you. Can you let me go now?”
“Let you go? Why would I let you go?” Chu Lin’er asked with a confused look.
Pfft!
Come on, have you no sense of logic?
“What will it take for you to let me go?” Lin Hai said grumpily.
“Play chess with me.”
Pfft!
What a disaster. Why did he ever download that stupid game for her?
And even if he did download it, why did he have to play against her online?
He really dug a pit and jumped right in himself.
“Also, you have to play with me every day from now on. Otherwise, I’ll lie on top of you every night, and you won’t be able to do a thing.”
Pfft!
Man, was this the legendary ghost pressure?
Great. Now this little ghost girl, who was addicted to games, had gone from being a solo-game supergirl to an online-game bully.
What was he supposed to do? He couldn’t just go home every day and do nothing but play chess with a ghost, right?
And it was even freaking Gomoku, a kids’ game. It was seriously dragging down his IQ.
This was really a pain in the neck.
No, he had to think of something. This couldn’t go on.
Lin Hai furrowed his brow and quickly racked his brain.
“Hey, let me tell you, don’t try any tricks. This princess is smart and clever. You can’t fool me.” Seeing Lin Hai’s eyes darting around, Chu Lin’er quickly warned him.
“Haha, got it!” An idea popped into Lin Hai’s mind.
