My Amazing WeChat is Connected to the Three Realms - Chapter 69
Sun Wukong: Hehe, the thing this Old Sun is giving you is one-of-a-kind in all three realms—absolutely unique!
Lin Hai was thrilled. Damn, something unique across all three realms? This had to be insanely powerful, an ultra-rare treasure.
Little Confused Immortal: Great Sage, send it over quick! (followed by a drooling emoji)
Sun Wukong: Ah, don’t rush, don’t rush! Sending it now.
Ding-dong!
Sun Wukong has sent you a single strand of monkey hair.
Looking at the notification on his phone, Lin Hai’s face darkened.
What the hell? This is your so-called “one-of-a-kind in all three realms”?
You’ve got, like, billions of these on your body, don’t you?
Little Confused Immortal: Haha, never knew the Great Sage had such a sense of humor.
Sun Wukong seemed to catch the sarcasm in Lin Hai’s words and quickly explained.
Sun Wukong: This Old Sun speaks the truth! In all three realms, there’s only one Stone Monkey—me! So my monkey hair is, by definition, one-of-a-kind! Ahahaha…
Damn it, fine, you’ve got a point!
Little Confused Immortal: Then, Great Sage, what’s this monkey hair’s use?
Sun Wukong: Ah, its uses are vast! It can cast an illusion and summon 300 monkeys.
Pfft!
What the hell!
Why would I ever need to summon 300 monkeys? To put on a damn circus act?!
Lin Hai suddenly realized that the Great Sage could be a real troll sometimes.
Sun Wukong: Fellow Daoist, this Old Sun is off to smoke a cigarette—can’t wait any longer. Catch you later!
Ugh. Lin Hai opened his storage bag to check if the monkey hair had any other uses besides summoning monkeys.
The moment he did, his face darkened again.
Dammit, you damn monkey! Tell me the truth—where the hell did you pluck this hair from? Why is it curly?! I swear I won’t beat you to death!
This is such a scam!
Sun Wukong’s Monkey Hair: *Can transform into 300 human copies, each with 1/1000th of the user’s power.*
Holy crap! Isn’t this basically 300 clones?!
Now Lin Hai was excited. This is an amazing treasure!
Damn, I almost fell for that monkey’s prank!
Just because you’re a monkey doesn’t mean everyone else is too!
He checked the instructions.
Usage: Visualize the appearance of the person you wish to transform into.
Huh? It’s not limited to just myself? So I can turn into anyone I imagine?
If I picture Liu Xinyue without clothes… hehehe…
Lin Hai smirked mischievously.
Just as he was fantasizing about Liu Xinyue, his phone suddenly rang, startling him.
“Wild Girl”? It was Liu Xinyue’s younger sister, Liu Xinqing.
“Hey, Red Boss just called me. She said when you pick me up from school tomorrow, bring Ah Huang along. If she doesn’t see the dog, she’ll beat you into one.”
Pfft!
Dammit, what did I even do to deserve this?!
But that dog’s something else—just by acting cute, it’s won over those gangster girls.
Now they’re demanding a damn doggy date?
“Listen, little sis, I’ve got a name, y’know? Can you stop calling me ‘hey’ all the time?”
“Fine, you pervert!”
Great. That’s even worse than ‘hey.’
After hanging up, Lin Hai was bored.
He decided to check People Nearby to see if there were any cute girls around.
A quick search turned up one result.
“Chu Lin’er, 12 meters away.”
Whoa, that’s right next door!
The left side used to be Peng Tao’s place, but it’s empty now.
So it must be the house on the right.
Looking at the profile picture, it was a stunningly beautiful woman dressed in an ancient-style green gown, her hair elegantly tied up. Her appearance was bewitchingly gorgeous.
Just one glance was enough to make Lin Hai’s heart skip a beat.
Damn, she’s a real knockout.
Huh? Why does she look so familiar? Have I seen her somewhere before?
Probably an actress, he thought. Dressed in period costume and looking this recognizable—she must’ve been in some TV show.
Then he checked her bio:
“If the King of Hell demands your death by midnight, I dare keep you alive till dawn!”
Holy shit, that’s one hell of a boast—loud enough to shake the mountains!
Just as he was reading, a notification popped up:
“Chu Lin’er (Nearby) sent you a greeting.”
Oh? This girl’s pretty forward.
Lin Hai checked the message.
“Add me. Hurry up!”
What the hell? So urgent—is she trying to hook up or something?
“What for?” Lin Hai didn’t accept the request, just replied directly.
“Fuck!”
Pfft— Chu Lin’er’s reply nearly made Lin Hai spit blood.
Damn it, that’s not what I meant!
But damn, this girl was blunt. Just how desperate is she?
Though Lin Hai had his own dirty thoughts, he wasn’t that thirsty. He put his phone down, deciding to ignore her.
Then another message arrived:
“You said ‘what for’? Add me, bitch—I’ll fucking kill you!”
Holy shit, she’s fierce! Lin Hai thought.
“Hey! If you’ve got the guts, accept my request! I’ve been looking for you forever!”
Huh? Looking for me? Lin Hai was baffled. Was she secretly crushing on me?
“Add me right now, or I’ll drag you down to the eighteenth level of hell!”
Lin Hai scoffed. Eighteenth level of hell? What, are you the King of Hell or something?
“Are you even a man? Too scared to add a friend? Spineless coward!”
Oh, hell no! Lin Hai couldn’t take it anymore.
Since when did hookup culture get this aggressive from the women’s side?
Accepted.
The moment he added her, Chu Lin’er’s message blasted in:
Chu Lin’er: Finally found you! I’m gonna chop your damn hands off! (Followed by three angry emojis.)
Wait, what? Is this how hookup DMs start now? Lin Hai was utterly confused.
Little Confused Immortal: Uh… you into S&M or something?
Chu Lin’er: What’s S&M? (Confused emoji.)
Yeah, right. Play dumb all you want. Lin Hai rolled his eyes.
Chu Lin’er: Enough crap! Where are you? I’m coming for you! (String of rage emojis.)
Damn, this girl’s way too aggressive.
Little Confused Immortal: Whoa, slow down. We haven’t even met—this is moving too fast for me.
Chu Lin’er: Haven’t met? I’d recognize your bones even if you were skinned alive! That crappy profile pic—I knew it was you at first glance!
Profile pic?
Lin Hai’s profile picture was from last year when he was an extra in a fantasy movie adaptation filmed at his university.
Little Confused Immortal: You sure you know me?
Now even Lin Hai was uncertain. Was Chu Lin’er another extra from that shoot?
It made sense. He’d already assumed she was an actress, and now he was convinced they might actually know each other.
But why did she seem to hate him so much?
Chu Lin’er: TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE! If you don’t, I’ll search every damn house—dig three feet underground if I have to—until I find you!!!
Before Lin Hai could reply, Chu Lin’er, fuming, floated out of her villa and stormed into the one opposite his direction.
Meanwhile, Ah Hua—the dog—was lazily lying in his kennel when he suddenly saw Chu Lin’er emerge. He jolted in terror, scrambled up, and started frantically scratching at Lin Hai’s door.
“Goddamn mutt, scratching the door again!”
Furious, Lin Hai yanked the door open and kicked Ah Hua lightly.
“The hell’s wrong with you?!” he yelled.
“Dad! There’s seriously a ghost next door—she’s out now, and she’s—”
Ah Hua suddenly realized Lin Hai wasn’t listening. His master stood frozen, face pale, as if he’d seen something horrifying.
Puzzled, the dog turned around—
His tiny eyes bulged.
“GHOOOOOST!!!”
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