My Amazing WeChat is Connected to the Three Realms - Chapter 68

“Damn it, beat that dog to death!” Zhao Kun roared as soon as Lin Hai left.

“Brother Kun, nooo! I like this poodle,” Amei pleaded.

“Like my ass! If I don’t kill it, I won’t vent my anger. Beat it!”

Hu Zi and a few others immediately charged forward.

“Woof woof woof!” Ahua bolted away.

But instead of running straight, the damn dog zigzagged through the roadside stalls of street vendors.

Crash! Bang!

Fruits, vegetables, eggs—everything went flying. The scene was pure chaos, with people and goods scattered everywhere.

“What the hell? Whose dog is this? Pay for my stuff!”

“That guy’s the owner! Don’t let him get away!”

The vendors swarmed Zhao Kun, trapping him.

“Pay for my fruits!”
“Pay for my vegetables!”
“Pay for my seafood!”
“Pay for my maiden’s heart!”
“Pay for my eggs—they’re all smashed!”

What the hell? Since when do people demand compensation for a “maiden’s heart”?

And you—a fifty-something auntie—what’s this nonsense about your “eggs” being smashed?

Even scammers have standards, damn it!

Zhao Kun was fuming. A piece of cabbage leaf clung to his head, and a 200-pound girl had him by the collar.

“My pure body, preserved for over twenty years, was violated by your dog! It deeply wounded my maiden’s heart. You have to take responsibility—I’m marrying you!” The girl pointed at the paw prints on her chest, grinning.

“Marry my ass! Go marry the damn dog!” Zhao Kun shoved her away and pulled out a wad of cash.

“Damn it, I’ve got money! Take it and scram!”

He flung the bills into the air.

“Quick, grab it!” The vendors dove for the money.

“That damn mutt—I’ll skin it and roast it!”

“Huh? What’s going on? Where’d all these beggars come from?”

Zhao Kun rubbed his eyes. A group of disheveled, ragged people were sprinting toward him.

“Young Master Zhao, run! That dog’s too damn vicious!”

The man in the lead—with only one pant leg left—shouted.

“Holy crap, Hu Zi?!” Zhao Kun recognized him.

ROAR! A beast-like growl echoed.

What the hell? Did an animal escape from the zoo?!

Zhao Kun squinted.

“OH MY GOD!” A ferocious beast bared its fangs, lunging at him with terrifying speed.

RIIIP!

Ahua tore Zhao Kun’s shirt open, revealing skin as pale as a woman’s.

“Ahhh! Get away!” Zhao Kun turned and ran, the beast’s maw just inches from him.

ROAR!

Ahua pounced again, shredding one pant leg.

“Son of a—!” Zhao Kun stumbled and face-planted.

The crowd burst into laughter.

Ahua licked Zhao Kun’s exposed thigh with its wet tongue.

That was the last straw.

“Damn it, don’t bite me!” Zhao Kun leaped up and sprinted faster than his personal best.

ROAR! Another bite, another pant leg gone.

Now Zhao Kun was wearing shorts.

“Stop chasing me!” He was on the verge of tears.

Is this really a poodle?!

ROAR! Ignoring him, Ahua struck again.

This time, the entire pants came off.

“Holy shit, the dude’s wearing women’s lingerie!”
“What a freak!”

Amei blushed, recognizing the familiar black lace panties.

Zhao Kun’s face twisted in humiliation. This damn dog has ruined me!

But Ahua wasn’t done.

Another pounce—another RIIP!

The black panties were torn away, exposing his pale buttocks.

“SCREW YOU! I’M DONE WITH LIFE!!!”

Zhao Kun howled in despair.

Ahua flashed a disturbingly human-like smirk, wagged its tail, and trotted off.

Zhao Kun found a scrap of cloth to cover himself, glaring at Ahua’s retreating figure.

“Damn it, this is all Lin Hai’s fault! I won’t let you get away with this!”

…

Lin Hai drove slowly, and soon, Ahua caught up.

“Ahua, are you okay?” Liu Xinqing fretted, checking the dog for injuries.

Ahua nuzzled against her chest affectionately.

This damn pervert dog—always finding ways to cop a feel.

“Relax, it’s fine.” Lin Hai smacked Ahua’s head away.

“Dad, listen…” Ahua recounted what happened after Lin Hai left.

Pfft!

Lin Hai burst out laughing.

This dog’s pure evil. How’s Zhao Kun ever gonna show his face again?

“Dad, Zhao Kun said he won’t let you off easy,” Ahua added gleefully.

“Pfft, as if I’m scared.”

Man, I’ve already pissed off three of Jiangnan University’s “Four Young Masters.” The only one left, Ye Ziming, might become an enemy too over Xin Yue’s singing competition.

I’m a magnet for trouble.

After dropping Liu Xinqing home, Lin Hai returned to his villa.

“Dad, Dad! There’s really a female ghost next door—believe me!” Ahua insisted as they entered.

“Ghost my ass!” Lin Hai swatted it. “There was one, but she’s gone now.”

He thought of Han Xiu’er.

“Stay outside!” Lin Hai kicked Ahua out before it could follow him in.

“Ugh, mean Dad. I’m a pet—I have the right to sleep inside!”

Grumbling, Ahua trudged toward the neighboring villa’s doghouse.

“AHHH!” Chu Linyer materialized out of nowhere, scaring the life out of Ahua.

“Was that you talking just now?” Chu Linyer eyed the dog suspiciously.

Ahua pretended not to see her, slipping into the doghouse and closing its eyes.

“Strange… I could’ve sworn I heard telepathy.” After a moment, Chu Linyer floated away, puzzled.

“Whew… scared me to death!” Ahua patted its chest like a human.

“I have to tell Dad about that ghost.”

Lin Hai grabbed two packs of Zhonghua cigarettes and headed inside.

He opened WeChat and messaged Sun Wukong.

Little Confused Immortal: Great Sage, you there?
Sun Wukong: Here, here!
Little Confused Immortal: How’d the raid on Lao Jun’s place go? (drooling emoji)

If the Monkey King stole any immortal pills, he’d definitely share. I hope…

Sun Wukong: Ugh, don’t ask. That old coot sealed the entire palace with some magic barrier. Couldn’t get in!

Oh well.

Little Confused Immortal: No worries. I’ve got more cigarettes for you.

(Sent 2 packs of Zhonghua cigarettes.)

Sun Wukong: Ah, many thanks!
Sun Wukong: Can’t let you go unrewarded. Let me think… what treasure should I give you?

Little Confused Immortal: (excited) Yes, please!

A gift from Sun Wukong? This’ll be good.

A moment later…

Sun Wukong: Hehe, I’ve decided!

Lin Hai’s eyes sparkled.

Little Confused Immortal: What’s the gift, Great Sage?