The basement was damp and drizzly, echoing with the clanking of chains and the froth of desperate survival. No matter what action one took, it only added a bit more “seasoning” to oneself, blending the despair ever more thickly.
So, the smart ones had long since given up struggling, resigning themselves instead to a miserable yet peaceful remainder of their lives within an endless cage.
And I was now locked up here—
…
—Two Days After the Full Moon Ended
—Some Basement in Maltes
…
I don’t quite understand what happened. I only know that I suddenly woke up in this cell. When I came to, it was so terribly cold… The air was damp and clammy, and I couldn’t tell if what hung in the air was blood or something else.
My body was completely bare, without a single piece of clothing to cover any blemishes. I could only try my best to shield my private areas, leaving the rest of my skin exposed to feel the oncoming chill wind.
The early morning sunlight was a bit weak, which meant the solar radiation I received was far below normal. No wonder it was so cold—the cell was tiny, and the surrounding silence was profound. The pitiful moans from the next cell seeped into my ears, nearly driving me insane…
But I was still here. I was still alive. Surviving was the ultimate truth.
Yet, what meaning was there in staying alive? What meaning could there be for a girl who couldn’t even remember her own name? My family had probably disappeared right along with my name.
I kept a cold face, curled up on the straw mat. Faced with this cold wind, I was helpless, and could only shiver… until I heard a series of footsteps.
The footsteps echoed emptily through this dungeon, deep and stretching onward, like a traveler returning after an eternity. Suddenly, they stopped abruptly, halting right outside my cell door.
Startled, my shielding gesture grew even more forceful from the abruptness. My eyes trembled as I stared fixedly at the man who had stood before the door for a long while, yet made no move.
He seemed to be quite old, his hair already white in patch after patch. The ravines of age lingered on his face, and his lips were exceptionally parched. But judging by his overall attire, he was someone of considerable status, resembling nothing so much as a refined gentleman…
If only he weren’t stroking his chin with such keen interest while staring intently at me…
Beside him was a young girl dressed very much like a princess, probably about four years older than me. But in her hands, she held items completely at odds with that identity—an iron chain and a short-handled axe. They looked like a matched pair: one would bind someone with chains and drag them over, and then the axe would come swinging down.
Imagining certain unsightly scenes, I shuddered, and then heard their conversation.
“It seems she hasn’t developed any faults from the side effects. She’s merely frightened.”
“Progress is going very smoothly, Master… no, Lord Catelam.”
“…Judging by the current situation, that does seem to be the case. But one must never stop at the present in all matters. We must look to the future, little Shari.”
“Thank you for your guidance, Lord Catelam.”
A conversation I couldn’t understand, and not something I should be considering at this moment…
They seemed to be talking about me? But why, and for what purpose? Develop faults? Side effects? Who exactly were they to me? I needed to think…
Click. I heard the sound of the lock being opened. By the time they had already entered the cell, I squeezed my eyes tightly shut and curled my body up into a smooth, tight ball, right to the very limit my flesh could stretch.
I also spread my hair out to cover myself, because it was very long, and I thought it might bring me some “warmth,” and also reduce the embarrassment of being stared at so directly.
“It’s not very attractive to leave your hair all spread out like that, my daughter…”
Daughter? Am I, your daughter?
I incredulously lifted the curtain of hair like a theater drape and gazed into the middle-aged man’s eyes.
Daughter? Then why am I in such a wretched state right now? If I am your daughter, why did you leave me half-naked? Why would you abandon me here all alone?
My heart full of complicated feelings, I hugged my bony frame even tighter. The reason for my strange behavior was simply that I didn’t trust this man who called himself my father in the slightest.
How ugly this world truly must be…
…
Day Zero
Weather: Unknown
Time: Unknown
Shortly after gaining consciousness, I was settled by that man into a certain room. Though I wasn’t clear on the route taken, it must still have been somewhere near that dungeon.
However, this room, seemingly furnished with all the necessities of daily life, had no windows. That meant I had no way of getting any information from the outside world. The only sign of life I could hear here was the little mice scurrying around.
After instructing me not to wander about, the man left that young girl by my side to watch me, and then departed himself.
I tried to talk to her, but she just fobbed me off with a few words, like a creature utterly devoid of emotion. When I asked, “When can I leave this place?”, she quietly retreated to her original spot and shook her head.
Her cold, matter-of-fact demeanor even made me wonder if she had once experienced death…
There was nothing much left here, and I never saw any clothing available for wearing either, aside from a few strips of cloth of dubious taste left in the wardrobe.
I asked the girl about my origins, and whether it was true that I was that man’s daughter. The response I got from her was this one utterly baffling sentence—
“You are a replacement for Lord Catelam’s daughter. To be precise, you are his daughter.”
I scratched my head. I was just about to say I didn’t understand when I unexpectedly realized I actually could grasp the meaning within… There was just one question.
Who was I, really?
I could faintly see, looming before my eyes, the faint trace of script—that thing called a name… I reached out, wanting to grasp it, and then it suddenly receded.
…
Day Zero
Weather: Unknown
Time: Estimated Afternoon
Perhaps because he was worried I might be hungry, or perhaps simply because of my necessity to him, that man arrived. Following him was a dining cart… to be precise, it was a maid pushing the dining cart. She was dressed in black, her appearance vastly different from the maids in my impression, and there was an inexplicable hint of murderous intent in her eyes—
Although, I had never seen a real maid before, to be fair.
Seeing the man arrive, the young girl offered a greeting and then silently retreated to a position behind him. He merely nodded, keeping both hands tucked behind his back as if hiding something…
“Come, my daughter, you must be hungry? Here is your favorite dish from before.”
After the man finished speaking, he signaled the maid to push the dining cart in front of me. I saw several portions of completely unknown food placed upon it. I couldn’t even name them, so how could I talk about liking them or not?
I murmured a word of thanks and silently picked up the bread placed at the furthest corner and started nibbling. The whole time, I felt too awkward to meet the eyes of the three figures before me, because they were all staring intensely at me.
“Hmm? Daughter… Ah, is it really because of that?…”
The man muttered a few words to himself, his expression stiffening for an instant, though it then relaxed.
“It’s alright. If it’s because you’re too nervous with us present, just pay us no mind.”
How could I possibly pay them no mind…
Seeing that I still remained frozen, the man seemed to understand. He then instructed the young girl to wait by the doorway and hurriedly left with the maid.
Before leaving, the man placed the item he had been hiding behind his back on the floor and instructed me to be sure to open it after I finished eating—it was a gift box decorated with absurd exaggeration. It’s safe to say every conceivable decoration in my memory was on it.
What could be inside?
Ignoring the remaining delicacies, I hurried over to the gift box and began unwrapping it… Though honestly, the excessive decorations were more of a hindrance, a bit annoying.
…
I unwrapped the gift box and took out what was inside. Then I froze, staring at the one-piece dress and the pair of bright, attractive little sandals in my hands.
They probably don’t suit me… I felt like putting them aside, but then I remembered the attitude and emotions that man had shown me from the very beginning to the end. If I just tossed these clothes aside now, wouldn’t he be very heartbroken?
Thinking this, I must have unconsciously put on the dress and sandals, because it was only later that I found myself standing in front of a mirror, the reflection showing a shy, bashful figure.
Truly, utterly ridiculous.
But no matter what, I finally had a place to belong… I will continue to keep this diary, unless something unusual happens, or unless Father Catelam no longer allows me access to it.
Thank you, world. I have a new father.
