My Amazing WeChat is Connected to the Three Realms - Chapter 78

“Where am I?” Lin Hai slowly opened his eyes, a sharp pain throbbing in his head.

“You’re awake?” A soft, sweet voice spoke up, sounding pleasantly surprised.

“Who are you?” Lin Hai was stunned to find himself lying in an antique-style room. Standing by the bed was a stunningly beautiful woman with delicate classical features, gazing at him with excitement.

“Huh? She looks familiar.” He felt like he had seen her somewhere before.

“Your servant, Xian’er, greets the master.” Suddenly, the woman gracefully bowed to him in a formal salute.

“Servant? Master?”

What the hell? Is this some kind of maid-raising game?

“Master, I cleaned your wounds with the Sanctuary’s sacred water. They’re no longer serious, but the injury to your head is severe and will take time to heal.”

“Wait, wait—hold on. Don’t say anything yet. Let me process this.” Lin Hai was completely baffled.

“What sacred water? What do you mean you cleaned my whole body?”

Still dazed, he sat up—only to realize he was wearing ancient-style clothing.

Fine, ancient clothes—but why the hell are they women’s clothes?!

This is so damn ridiculous! What the hell is going on?!

“Master, after cleaning you, I… I didn’t have any men’s clothes for you to change into, so I… I dressed you in my own clothes.” Noticing his strange expression, Xian’er quickly explained.

Pfft!

So the clothes I’m wearing right now belong to this beauty in front of me?

He looked down—holy shit! Every single layer had been changed, down to the underwear!

Staring at the woman before him while wearing her clothes from head to toe, Lin Hai felt unbearably awkward.

“Wait… no, hold on!”

Suddenly, something dawned on him.

“Y-you just said what? You washed my body? And you changed all my clothes?!”

“Yes, I cleaned every part of your body and dressed you myself. Is there a problem?” Xian’er tilted her head slightly, looking puzzled.

Damn! Every part?!

So my flawless, jade-like body was completely exposed to her?!

Dammit, this is such a loss! Even my sweetheart Xin Yue hasn’t seen my pure, untouched body in over twenty years!

Hell no, I’ve never suffered a loss like this before. I’ve gotta find a way to get even—maybe by checking her out too!

Lin Hai’s gaze drifted over Xian’er’s curvaceous figure, his thoughts turning shameless.

“Anyway, where exactly is this place? Who are you? And why are you calling me ‘master’?” He finally voiced the questions swirling in his mind.

“Master, this is the Moon Lake Sanctuary. Xian’er is the spirit of the sanctuary. Since you are now the master of Moon Lake Sanctuary, you are naturally my master as well.”

“Moon Lake Sanctuary? What the hell is that?” Lin Hai frowned in confusion.

“Master, the sanctuary is right outside.” Xian’er bowed respectfully.

“Oh? Let’s take a look then.”

Getting out of bed, Lin Hai examined his current outfit.

Good grief, I look like some ridiculous cross-dressing comedian from a bad movie! The clothes barely fit, the buttons wouldn’t close, and everything felt like it was about to burst at the seams. This is so damn embarrassing!

Stepping outside, Xian’er hurried after him.

“Huh? This courtyard… I think I’ve seen it before too?” Lin Hai muttered, scanning his surroundings.

“No, let me think carefully.” He looked around again—then his eyes widened in shock.

Holy shit!

Whirling around, he pointed at Xian’er. “I remember where I’ve seen you now! Y-you’re the woman from that ancient painting!”

You’ve gotta be kidding me! Lin Hai was losing his mind.

This courtyard—isn’t this the exact same one from that painting I got from Wangu Hall?!

Holy hell, did I just get sucked into a painting?!

Seeing Lin Hai’s near-hysterical reaction, Xian’er was startled.

“Master, I am indeed the woman from the painting. The Moon Lake Sanctuary was sealed inside it. But to ordinary mortals, the painting only shows me and my residence—the true sanctuary is invisible to the naked eye.”

Lin Hai stood there dumbfounded, barely registering her words.

“Master, would you like Xian’er to give you a tour of the sanctuary?”

Tour my ass!

I somehow ended up inside a damn painting, and you want me to sightsee?!

Screw your stupid sanctuary—the only thing I care about right now is whether I can get out!

“Uh, Xian’er… is there a way for me to leave this painting?” Lin Hai swallowed hard, anxiously awaiting her answer.

If I can’t get out, I’ll be stuck here like Xian’er—forever displayed on someone’s wall!

Being hung up is one thing, but in this outfit…

Damn it, I’ll be a laughingstock for millennia!

“Master wishes to leave?” Xian’er suddenly seemed a little dejected.

“Yeah! Can I or not? Hurry up and tell me!” Lin Hai pressed.

“You can leave.”

“Really?! Hell yeah! Hahaha!” Lin Hai jumped for joy.

“But…”

That single word nearly made him faceplant.

“Is there a catch?” he asked warily.

“Yes. You must pass the trial of the Four Hermits of Cold Mountain. Once you succeed, you’ll be free to come and go as you please.”

“Four Hermits of Cold Mountain? What the hell is that?”

“They are the four guardians of the sanctuary. The previous master established a rule: every master after her must pass their trial to enter or leave.” Xian’er explained.

What the—?! Lin Hai was outraged.

This is blatant discrimination against newcomers!

“Why?! She was the master, and now I’m the master! Why do I have to follow her rules?!”

Xian’er smiled faintly.

“Because the previous master was the sanctuary’s creator. It was her supreme power that sealed the sanctuary within the painting. Here, even the master must obey her decrees—or face divine lightning that scatters one’s soul to the winds. The last master who entered was struck dead on the first day for breaking the rules.”

She pointed at a charred corpse not far away.

Holy shit, that’s brutal!

Lin Hai shrank back in fear.

Fine, I’ll play by the rules. No point arguing with someone that powerful.

“Master, would you like to attempt the trial now?”

“What exactly does it involve?” Lin Hai was starting to feel uneasy.

“Well… Xian’er can’t say for sure. It depends entirely on the Four Hermits’ mood.” She sighed.

What?! Their mood?!

Lin Hai was floored.

Are these Four Hermits completely irresponsible or what?! They decide the trial based on their mood?!

What if they’re in a bad mood? Would I just die on the spot?!

“How exactly does this ‘mood’ thing work? Can you give me an example?” The more he asked, the more nervous he became.

“An example? Well… the last master’s first trial was against the Demon of Strings. And the demon actually… actually…” Xian’er hesitated.

“Actually what?” Lin Hai pressed, dead serious.

“He challenged him to a farting contest—to see whose was louder.” Xian’er’s cheeks flushed red.

Pfft—HAHAHAHA!

Lin Hai burst out laughing.

This ‘Demon of Strings’ is a complete joke!

This is a trial for the master of the sanctuary—can’t they take it seriously?!

“Sigh… the Four Hermits are all eccentric in their own ways. Since the first master, eighteen successors have attempted the trial—and none have passed.”

Damn, that’s harsh!

Lin Hai’s heart pounded.

What the hell do I do now?

If I fail, will I be trapped in this painting forever?

“Uh… if I fail, can I retry every day?”

He had a plan—if he didn’t pass, he’d just keep trying until he did.

Xian’er paused, then shook her head mournfully.

“Master, you misunderstand. You only get one attempt. If you fail… divine lightning will strike, scattering your soul.”

Thud!

Lin Hai collapsed onto the ground.

Screw this! I want to go home!