Live Broadcast: My Blunt TCM Practice and My Patients Are Dying Online - Chapter 9

Pfft.

Qin Jiang’s words landed like a thunderclap!
Sun Wei doubled over laughing beside them.

Wu Tong directly put on his ‘pain mask’.

“Doctor… do you always speak this directly?”

Qin Jiang comforted him. “It’s alright, young man. Anal fissures aren’t something to be ashamed of. At least I… don’t have them.”

Wu Tong had initially thought Qin Jiang was going to say he had them too.

But Qin Jiang took a sharp turn!

If you don’t have them, why bring it up!
Don’t act like you know how I feel!

“Put your hand here. Let me check your pulse.”

Wu Tong placed his hand on the pulse pillow.

The moment Qin Jiang’s fingers touched his wrist, his expression changed.

He looked at Wu Tong with a mix of confusion, doubt, shock, and a hint of admiration.

Wu Tong panicked.

“Doctor, it’s not… a terminal illness, is it?”

Qin Jiang was silent for a moment before speaking. “It’s not terminal. It’s just a bit… uniquely unique.”

Wu Tong didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “Doctor, can you be serious? This is hardly the time.”

Qin Jiang sighed. “Have you been having frequent diarrhea lately?”

Wu Tong nodded. “Yes, I’ve been drinking a lot of milk recently. I get diarrhea every time I drink it.”

“I read online they call it lactose intolerance or something.”

Qin Jiang rolled his eyes. “Buddy, this has nothing to do with lactose intolerance. You’d have diarrhea even if you didn’t drink milk.”

Wu Tong just said, “Oh,” and fell silent.

“And you like to pass gas a lot too, right?”

Wu Tong nodded again.

Perhaps trying to reclaim some of her lost dignity, Sun Wei chimed in. “Yes, Doctor, he farts all the time! And his are much smellier than mine!”

Sun Wei thought she was saving face, unaware that the live stream viewers were now looking at the couple with pity.

“Could these two be the legendary ‘Farting Hero and Heroine’?”

“Two fart champions together… I can’t even imagine how intense that must be. Is one bathroom at home even enough?”

“When they go to sleep at night, the neighbors upstairs and downstairs probably think someone’s setting off firecrackers outside.”

After finishing the pulse reading, Qin Jiang had a good idea of what was wrong with Wu Tong.

“Stick out your tongue, let me see.”

Wu Tong stuck out his tongue. His tongue coating was purple, and the veins underneath his tongue were bulging, looking somewhat frightening.

“You have severe dampness.”

Just as Wu Tong was about to explain, Qin Jiang added, “You have hemorrhoids, don’t you?”

Wu Tong was rendered completely speechless.

This doctor was something else.

Every question that sounded like a query was actually a statement.

Are you using rhetorical questions for emphasis?
This doctor gets full marks in language arts!

Wu Tong asked apprehensively, “Doctor, so what exactly is wrong with me?”

Qin Jiang said, “Oh, nothing too major. Just hemorrhoids, rectal prolapse, and a bit of diabetes.”

Hearing this, Wu Tong relaxed and shot a smug look at Sun Wei.

“See? I told you I was pretty healthy.”

Sun Wei snorted, clearly not buying Wu Tong’s cockiness.

Seizing the moment, Wu Tong pressed on. “So, Doctor, can my… prolapse and hemorrhoids be treated?”

Qin Jiang started giving Wu Tong that strange look again, making Wu Tong’s hair stand on end.
Just as Wu Tong was about to crack under the psychological pressure, Qin Jiang finally spoke while writing a prescription. “Young man, don’t play too wild.”

Sun Wei, standing nearby, blushed, thinking Qin Jiang was still referring to their earlier issue.

Can we just move on already!

Wu Tong, thick-skinned, didn’t think much of it.

After all, being able to make his girlfriend listen was a skill, right?
Who knew Qin Jiang’s next sentence would completely shatter his defenses.

Holy crap!

Mind-blowing!

Wu Tong felt like he was breaking apart.

Sun Wei felt like her head was splitting open.

The live stream viewers felt their worldviews shattering!
“Brothers, my brain capacity is a bit insufficient. What does the streamer mean by that?”

“Ah, it burns my eyes! It burns! How I wish I never clicked into this stream!”

Inside the clinic.

You could hear a pin drop. The silence was terrifying!
Wu Tong sat on the stool, trembling like a leaf.

He was filled with regret. So much regret!

How he wished he had never stepped into this clinic!
What was he thinking?
If he had just gone to a proper Western hospital, none of this would have happened!

Why did he have to come see a TCM doctor?

“Xiao Wei, let me explain myself… I mean, let me explain.”

Wu Tong reached out to hold Sun Wei’s hand.

But Sun Wei immediately recoiled, looking at Wu Tong with horror, as if he were a monster!
“You…”

Sun Wei’s voice trembled as she asked.

She felt utterly disgusted!

Wu Tong fell to his knees, crying. “Xiao Wei, I admit my preferences were a bit… problematic before I met you. But after meeting you, I’ve only loved you! I swear!”

Sun Wei didn’t believe his nonsense right away. She continued questioning, “If that’s the case, then why are you still in contact with him?”

Dramatic. Truly dramatic!
Qin Jiang picked up his teacup, pretending to drink but actually just enjoying the show.

He could indeed discern Wu Tong’s physical condition through pulse diagnosis, but this complex love triangle was beyond his guess.

“Xiao Wei, please give me another chance. I’ll call him later and make things clear, tell him to never contact me again, okay?”

Sun Wei shook her head in disappointment.

“Wu Tong, we’re through. You just disgust me now!”

With that, Sun Wei grabbed her things and ran out without looking back.

“No! Xiao Wei!”

Wu Tong wanted to chase after her, but Qin Jiang quickly stepped in to stop him.

“Brother, don’t be so heartbroken.”

Wu Tong cried like a child.

The fans in the live stream also paused their typing.

They hadn’t expected the streamer to have such a warm side.

“It’s just that… you haven’t paid the consultation fee yet.”

“It’s nine hundred yuan total. Scan the code or cash?”

You monster!
This streamer is truly inhuman!
Wu Tong looked at Qin Jiang’s beaming face and cried even louder.

A moment later, Wu Tong calmed down a bit and sniffled as he scanned the code.

“Doctor, could you prescribe me some medicine too? I feel like I’m about to have another bout of diarrhea.”

Qin Jiang nodded with a serious expression.